i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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