I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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