"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
