So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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