it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
