my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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