I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
