A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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