my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
