everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
