I accidentally had phone sex last night
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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