Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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