i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
