So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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