He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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