worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
