i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I woke up under a house in Key West
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
