his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
