i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
