my phone needs a breathalizer
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
