My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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