do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
