I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
