So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
