The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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