I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
