I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
So squirting runs in the family.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
