one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
