My boss' voice literally gives me gas
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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