found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
