sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Is it penis luge time yet?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
