I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Randomize
