I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Every concussion has its silver lining
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
