How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
