Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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