my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
