I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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