He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
