I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
