remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
