she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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