I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
