Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
All I want is dick and wine.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
