her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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