her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
