it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
