i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
