I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Randomize
