So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
