we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
