who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
