Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
