Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
