It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
