You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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