I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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