Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize