Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
