Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
