There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
