I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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