Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize