Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
This is my gift to your gina
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
